Looking Forward

Not too long ago I finished my last year in college. I learned a lot both about the world around me and myself, as well as what it's like to forge long lasting friendships. Each year, I grew a little more into my passion. Each year, I decided more and more that I wanted to travel. But there's a problem.

I am really bad with goodbyes.

I have a bit too much sentimentality for my own good. I care deeply about everyone and everything and I get attached easily. Empathy isn't a bad thing, but having too much of it can be painful. I feel like every month I learn another ironic thing about myself. The girl who wants to spend her life traveling the world hates goodbyes. But who likes processing emotion anyway?

I took this photo in Assisi, Italy. It is a beautiful town in the hills of Tuscany watched over by a castle. We were visiting that castle and waiting on people, so I sat on the hill and looked over the town just to think for a while. The world is so...noisy. The older I get, the more I want to escape it. It's something I'll probably talk about a lot.

Taking a moment alone with my thoughts is something I used to avoid. I still do sometimes, but it's important. I learn something new about myself every time I can quiet my environment and just sit without going through everything still on my endless to do list. I have a million hobbies that keep me busy even outside my normal obligations. Moments like this are becoming increasingly difficult to obtain with technology. I have really undergone character growth from someone who needed constant auditory stimulation not to go crazy from my buzzing brain to someone who wants to run away from the noise, if only for a while. I don't want to hear cars grinding by. I don't want to hear music, even my own. I don't want to stare at a screen. I want to lay on the ground and take in the sound.

I have learned to control my emotions better, but I have not learned how to process them. I have spent too much time surrounded by distractions, constantly moving to the next thing leaving no time to look inward--moving to the next thing before I process the fact that I am leaving something behind.

This post is my official declaration to myself to find a balance between not getting so focused on the future that I forget to acknowledge the moment. After all, the present is the past's future.

For now, as I enter into a major new stage of my life, I will focus on looking forward.

Adventure on and don't for get to be yourself!

Leah Miller